keith sent me some links[1][2][3] to a band called "skillet". they have a mildly heavy sound which makes it hard for me to hear the lyrics, but there's a good beat.

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q31lGa7rhjc
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJGMsO4oCHw
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyEDNCVetpw

TO:  GOD
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God:  Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?

Dear God:  Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?

Dear God:  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?  Or is it
still the same old story?

Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named
for a Dog?  How often do you see a cougar riding around?  We do love a nice
ride!  Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the
'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God:  If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
+energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths.  What do humans understand?

Dear God:  More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God:  Are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God:  Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good Dog.


1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it
up.  

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The  garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7.  Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying
'hello'.

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not
after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The  cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that  noise, it's usually not a good thing.

When I get to Heaven can I have my testicles back?

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.

"Your son is here," she said to the old man.

She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.

Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing beside his bed. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man's limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed.All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.

He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital - the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.

Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.

"Who was that man?" he asked.

The nurse was startled, "He was your father," she answered. "No, he wasn't," the Marine replied. "I never saw him before in my life."

"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"

"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn't here.

When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed."

I came here tonight to find a Mr. William Grey. His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this Gentleman's Name?

The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered, "Mr. William Grey"

The next time someone needs you .... just be there. Stay.

WE ARE NOT HUMAN BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE.
WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

Here is a little something someone sent me is that indisputable mathematical logic. (It also made me Laugh Out Loud.) Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint.

It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty , that while Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there , its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top .

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned and replied, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.